So I have been here for over 7 weeks now! Time has definitely flown by, but the end still seems far away. I am knee deep in life here. I am struggling a little bit, but enjoying the challenge and joy of being abroad. There are so many big life questions that I am faced with here that it’s a bit overwhelming. I have studied the African worldview in comparison with the Western worldview which makes me question the way the West lives. Additionally, I question how I live in the U.S. Now, my main class is entering into a unit about poverty. So many questions arise about my identity as being a privileged white person. Which leads to many questions about faith and God’s place in the world and justice and blah blah blah. I question myself and my relationships here. All those great 20 year old questions of “Who the heck am I?” are plaguing my thoughts! But all in all it’s so good to grow, to be stretched, to learn more from a place and people so different from my usual surroundings. It’s in our human nature to run from the uncomfortable things, such as growth. So I don’t get too upset with myself when I think about how much I miss the comforts of home. It’s natural. I accept my human nature, pray to God to help me through, and then hop back into my life here. And life here is beautiful.
Again, it will be good to process so many of these things once I get back. At first, I wanted to soak up everything so much, but I realized I couldn’t take it all in. My spongy mind is being overloaded. So, I am resting in the fact that this trip will be with me for the rest of my life. I will continue to learn from my life here once I get back in the states and have conversations with all of you. How awesome is that? So, I am going to try to use my blog to share some silly stories about my life here. It’s too hard to process everything within the time span of 4 months. So I will retreat into the luxury of being present while I am here in Africa. It’s the best gift about this trip- all I have to do is be.
This past weekend I went on a field trip to Luweero. My class visited a children’s center sponsored by Compassion. (ya know the ministry where you can sponsor a kid for like a dollar a day? Ya- that program. Let me tell you, sponsoring a child seriously goes a lonngggggg way here. Everyone should do it! I will explain more later of how and why this is a legit program) Anyways…. When we visited this program I was having a bit of a low moment. I was exhausted from traveling and feeling defeated by all the big life questions. But then I realized I could find joy and give help by just being. Sure I have practiced this concept before- duh. But it’s easier said than done though. My silent pray to God was just a simple “Help- I am defeated.”
Then a little girl came up to me and held my hand for the entire afternoon. Literally- the whole day. My thoughts about home, my identity as a white person, my questions about God, my thoughts on who the poor are, how to help the ‘poor’, and etc. escaped me. I just sat with a little girl all day. At times we engaged in games like Limbo or Little Sally Walker, but other times she just lay on my lap. I don’t know here name, and her English wasn’t all that great. So we sat in silence. She tickled my legs with grass, and I poked her sides to make her giggle. We played hand clapping games and she played with my white hands. Just as much as this girl needed me in this moment, I needed her just as much. It was a beautiful experience where I was pulled out of my own head and into life. My unnamed mission for the day was to love this girl with everything I had in the moment. I quickly realized I didn’t have anything, which made me a little sad at first. I wish I had brought candy, a ball, a new toy, a clean dress for her, or I wish I had the energy or intelligence to engage with her on a deeper level. The only thing I had to offer was presence and that was enough which brought me so much joy. And in the same way, her presence in my life for that moment was enough. How great is that? That’s all we both needed. So we sat in contentment with smiles and peace.
Sometimes I am discourage to write in my blog because I can’t describe everything that is happening here and inside of me. A thought that runs through my head is “Context, context, context!” It’s impossible to explain life. So my new goal with this blog is to share detailed accounts of smaller situations I run into here! Next time I write I promise to share my practical stories about my life here, rather than trying to explore the complexities of life. That’s too exhausting! I hope you enjoyed hearing about my encounter with this little girl.
Please continue praying for me! Another thing that I clearly see here is the power of prayer. It’s the only way to stay connected home, and it’s the best answer to some of the tough questions I am faced with. I rely and rest in the certainty I have that God is bigger, greater and stronger than anything on this earth.
Love and miss you all!
p.s. Please let me know how I can pray for you all! It’s a blessing and honor to pray for my family and friends. Just as I am accepting your love through prayer, let me love you through prayer as well, because that’s all I can do while I am away. Message me!
